


A Thousand Reasons Not To

by still_lycoris



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Future Fic, M/M, Trick or Treat: Trick, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-04 01:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16337294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: Charles knows that what he and Erik share is not a good idea.





	A Thousand Reasons Not To

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iberiandoctor (jehane)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jehane/gifts).



When they fuck, everything seems to make sense to Charles.

Erik’s body has always felt right against his, right from that first time in the slightly grubby hotel room while they were looking for others like them. First time sex was normally fumbling, confused but with Erik, Charles had felt right, somehow, despite everything. Even then, Erik’s body had been scarred and battered and Charles had needed to be careful where he touched because sometimes, Erik would flinch or wriggle or even make unhappy sounds if Charles found certain places of him. Charles had been able to work with that, just like Erik had been able to work with him. It had just been .. _right_. 

He knows the stories behind some of Erik’s scars now. Old and new.

Sometimes, he has been the cause – directly or indirectly – of the new ones.

Sometimes, he thinks that he knows far too much about Erik.

Erik knows too much about him too. No matter what happens between them, Erik knows what Charles wants, what he needs and gives it.

And isn’t that just the problem?

Charles knows that Erik is nothing but trouble to him. Erik has never come into his life without managing to cause chaos within it. More than chaos sometimes. Charles is in a wheelchair because of Erik. Charles has lost people he loves because of Erik. Charles has watched people suffer because of Erik. Erik is not a good man. Erik will never be a good man. Charles has accepted that.

But Charles loves him anyway.

Sometimes, he thinks about that. He likes to think of _himself_ as a good man. A man who does the right thing for people, who helps and protects and is kind. What does it say about him that he loves a man who doesn’t do any of those things? A man that doesn’t care who gets hurt along the way, as long as he wins. A man who’ll sacrifice innocents to make the world that he wants and damn anybody who doesn’t want that, even if they’re “his” people.

(Erik has more than once accused him of doing the same thing. Says that Charles is equally happy to throw “innocents” in the line of fire, just with different reasons and excuses. They always have one of their fights after that, vicious fights that Charles swears he won’t forgive Erik for. And yet.)

That is who Erik is. Who he will always be. And that’s not the man that Charles should love. Not the man that anybody should love.

But Charles does. And whenever Erik comes back, he _wants_. And Erik wants too and sometimes, sometimes the time is right and they can still meet each other, secretly.

Charles doesn’t like to think about what his friends would think if they knew. But he _needs_ Erik. And he doesn’t indulge many of his desires, not really. He’s a responsible adult. He doesn’t drink any more, he doesn’t smoke or sleep around. Every man needs something. What he happens to need is Erik.

Is it really so wrong that sometimes, he takes that?

It’s possible that the answer to that is yes. It’s possible that he and Erik should have stopped their meetings a long time ago. That he should accept what Erik is – truly accept it – and stop Erik, once and for all. Do whatever is necessary. End the war.

But Charles has always been good at ignoring what he has to.


End file.
